I’ve been feeling extremely strange since this morning. The tides of energy have not been moving the way they usually do. Being an empath,* I can feel this intensely but, as usual, I have no idea what it means. Moreover, In order to write about this, I have to use "energy" in the new age way or at least in the post-Theosophical mode of "a subtle force inherent in organisms" (see Frater U.D.'s "Models of Magic" essay hosted on chaosmatrix.com for a great discussion of this as an operative magical paradigm). So I'm going to give myself permission to write this entry in an impressionistic way; though, I would normally be a lot stricter with my terminology and assumptions.
The energy seemed much “thinner” and more fluid early this morning. I took note, though sometimes early morning energies are a little wonky. So I didn’t feel like things were unusually out of order. However, right in the middle of teaching my two-and-a-half-hour Monday seminar, I felt the energy “drop.” By this, I mean that the stream of creative energy usually flowing through me, fueling my teaching, seemed to completely dissipate, leaving me with only willpower and a little intellectual (mind) energy to keep me going.
That would have been strange and noteworthy in itself if my energetic impressions hadn’t seemed to get even stranger after class. I ended a little early because the students seemed exhausted. And, to be honest, I felt willing to dismiss all my perceptions as end-of-semester fatigue. But people looked strange, their energies and facial expressions seemed off, distorted, unusual.
I had to run some errands around campus and the bureaucrats who normally seem pinch-faced and sour were lavishly polite, while those I look forward to seeing were uncharacteristically unpleasant. Some strangers looked unnervingly familiar. And everyone’s auras seemed unusually “open,” such that I was feeling a degree of kinship with everyone. The usual cold separation was not between us to the same degree or in the same ways.
I wondered if this was due to me increasing zazen since the weekend or whether there was some other psychological, physiological, or energetic reason. But answers are not forthcoming. Sometimes (as happened when I received my reiki attunements) a rebalancing of inner energies causes a certain amount of energetic distortion around a person for a short period of time. Zazen could be causing that. But I’m not satisfied that’s the answer, since I have practiced zazen for almost two years with nothing like this happening. Of course, recently meditating at the temple might “up the wattage” to some extent, but I still feel like that’s not it.
Now I’m sitting in the campus library and everyone still seems extremely off and strange, as if I were looking at an imperfect simulation of the world, a not-quite-accurate approximation of how things usually are. I’ve even gone so far as to check myself in a restroom mirror, wondering if the weird expressions on people’s faces are because something about me is comically askew. But I could see nothing unusual in my appearance.
Having investigated the mundane possibilities, I’ll turn to magic—which was my first thought, to be completely honest: something is afoot. I’ve described this sensation before (though I cannot remember it ever being this strong) as a “sorcerous key turning the lock of fate.” When magic is powerfully at work, I can often feel it shifting cause-effect relationships and probabilities around me. Yes, this is impressionistic and wholly subjective, but so is operative magic—until it isn’t.
The sensation is that reality is “softening” and becoming less definite, less stable. And it can emanate from work I’ve done or from work someone is doing in my proximity, whether it’s aimed at me directly or it’s simply moving past.
My magical-interpersonal context right now is complex. So I also have a hard time drawing any conclusions there. If I had my divination tools with me, I could tell. But I’m going to have to wait. And by the time I get home tonight, everything might have gone past or run its course.
* When someone says they're an "empath," it's usually a new-age-marketing-influenced way of saying, "I think I'm a very sensitive person." And that would not be inaccurate in most cases. Much more is made out of the concept (for spiritual marketing purposes), entering the special category of "spiritual bullshit." I am not trying to shovel said bullshit by saying I think I am rather sensitive to the emotions adhering to people, places, and things. But I have to include this note because otherwise that bullshit will apply.